I'm sorry but

MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!

I forgot what it felt like to be a hockey fan. It’s so stressful and so exhilarating. I have all this stuff I just want to scream about.

EVGENI FUCKING MALKIN is a hockey GOD. The press has been slamming him for a week. What does he say? *SLAM* THAT'S HOW YOU SCORE A GOAL! SHUT UP, BITCHES.
HAL GILL MADE ME SHUT MY MOUTH RIGHT UP. I’m ALWAYS badmouthing him. DH says he needs to hit people harder. I said, “have you seen him under his uniform? They would die. He doesn’t want to actually kill people.” And then FEDEROV SPEARS HIMSELF WITH GILL’S STICK!
I NEED to carry KRIS LETANG in.my.pocket AT ALL TIMES. He is going to be the DEATH of me. *LeSigh*
OVECHKIN tried to CHARGE AT ORPIK and ended up KILLING HIMSELF!
PASCAL DUPIUS IMPREGNATES WOMEN with his fancy stick work! and the best part is that NOBODY EVEN KNOWS! Nobody talks about it. What? You didn't want to get pregnant? *shrug* Sorry. Then don't watch hockey. And don't tell anybody Duper is the daddy. We're keeping that a secret.
HAVE YOU SEEN MAX TALBOT’S BEARD? He STARTED GROWING IT WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE DID AND HE LOOKS LIKE A FREAKING MOUNTAIN MAN. THAT is a MAN RIGHT THERE. When he slid in front of the net and we ended up having Fleury, Gill, Scuderi (don't EVEN get me started on Scuds) AND Talbot sliding in for the save. Oh man. Max. *swoon* I punched DH in the arm and said, “that was… *long pause as I search for a word that is worthy of how incredible that was*… SEX! I just HAD SEX with Max Talbot!” I felt ACTUAL PENETRATION when he slid across the ice.
JORDAN STAAL IS A CRAZY BEAST. He was HAVING HIS WAY with the Capitals all by himself in the corner of THEIR ZONE for like a full minute AT LEAST. He can have his way with me whenever he wants for as long as he wants. For real.
And because I could watch LETANG'S! GAME-WINNING! GOAL! on loop for the rest of my life (which won't be very much longer if he has anything to do with it), this picture bears repeating over and over again (it's my wallpaper... tiled)...


My hands are still shaking. I love this team. I could go on and on. And I'm sure I will. I'm busy now. I just had to get some of it off my chest.

At about the 1:00 mark until about 1:06,

I turned into a pile of goo. How can anybody ever deny him goals? Knowing that is what happens to his face when he scores? I would just move out of the net for him. *puts Tanger in pocket*