rematch screamatch

I wanted to keep watching the Blackhawks for a while. They were burning up the place in the third period. Not enough. Patrick Kane's goal was what hockey dreams are made of. Not enough. Cristobal Huet stood on his head. Not enough. Niklas Hjalmarsson tried to seduce the ladies with a sweet slide save. Not enough. Duncan Keith had me convinced for sixty minutes a few days a week that I should probably move to Chicago to be closer to where he is. Not enough?


Wait. I got off track.

Toews, Kane, Sharp, Burish, Havlat, Ladd, Pahlsson, Seabrook, Campbell, Versteeg, Byfuglien, Eager... I can't believe I remember all those names and it's not even my team.

What I guess the whole point of this is, is that I *heart* the Blackhawks. I cannot wait to watch them in the fall.





I have to wait until the fall? *sob* Thank Scuderi for Blackhawks TV.

I suppose it's better for me as a fan going into this against a team that I can't work up any happy for. I do not like the Red Wings. They have skill. They have experience. What they lack is heart. They lack the passion. We have all of that. What we may lack in experience, we make up for with heart. We make up for it with passion. My team. Pittsburgh's team is going to the Stanley Cup Finals. Against Detroit. For the second year in a row. This year is ours.
Hossa? I don't give a shit about Hossa but there's a quiet place in my brain that takes comfort in the fact that our team probably does. There's a quiet place, a peaceful place that knows Hossa has a lot of free candy coming his way.

Hossa doesn't belong with our guys anyway. Our guys play because they love this sport.

Our guys play because they believe in this team.


Last year this was new and a little intimidating.

This year we're grabbing it and holding on.

This is our year.

Making Sweeeeeet Sweep Love

Not a lot of commentary right now. Just pictures.

Our Staalmonster is hotter than your Staalmonster. (In both looks and awesomeness.)

I can't think of the words that could express what he did on the ice last night or how in awe I am of him. Jordan, I love you more than all the words put together. You.are.worth.every.penny. Period. (That is an emphatic period.)

"Fuck it. I'm touching it."


The Superheroes lead the way in this photo. I love them so much. The Vs. commentators talked about Rob Scuderi for a solid few minutes. Telling the world how underrated he is, that he's always in the right place and that he should wear a cape. Okay, maybe they didn't say that last part. Get me a Scuderi jersey t-shirt and I will be forever in your debt. Not a blue one though. Last year they didn't even touch it. That didn't work so well. This year they're all rubbing it and touching it (when Cappy's done with it of course. He has... things he needs to do to it first).

Kristopher Letang, your playing last night was quiet and beautiful. This team knows what you are. You just go ahead and keep getting better and better. Every time you do something awesome, which is a lot, I toy with the idea of having a #58 tattooed on my forehead or somewhere. If video tattoos were possible, my body would be covered with your moves. You blow my mind, my love.

Matt Cooke. Craig Adams. Tyler fuckingKennedy. Brooks Orpik. MAF. Sidney. Geno. Billy G. Mark Eaton. Mad Max Clutch Talbot. Satan. Gonch. Rus Fed. Kuuuuunitzzzz. Hal. Boucher (pronounced appropriately like touché). Words aren't forming right now. I love this team.




P.S. The Hurricanes like(d) to give us statistics that told us when Eric Staal scores, they win. Eric Staal had the first goal of the night last night for what it's worth... which turned out to be NOT TOO MUCH.

P.S.S. The Penguins are 3-0 when Craig fuckingAdams scores. Suck it.

P.S.S.S. I like to think that this stomping in Game 4 was because of
the elbow to Jordan's face in Game 3. DO NOT TOUCH JORDAN STAAL'S FACE WITH ANYTHING UNLESS YOU ARE CARESSING IT WITH YOUR FINGERTIPS OUT OF LOVE. Don't these people respect beauty? Seriously. First the stick to Kris' face. Then the fists to Kris' face. Then this? I can't deal with that kind of thing. This sweep was Karma, bitches.

Rob Scuderi is a SUPERHERO

I keep saying this.

I'm dying for a Rob Scuderi jersey t-shirt. Somebody needs to get them in stock so I can LIVE. I was seriously contemplating buying the 2XL that I found but 1) the obvious reason 2) it was the wrong kind 3) my husband would just steal it.

Game 4 tonight. Game 3 was silly. They even tried to give EStaal a chance... they didn't play JStaal's line against him. Didn't work so well for the 'Canes. The score? 6-2. I'm not counting the Hurricanes out yet, but they're not making it easy. Corvo talked to one of those Versus people during intermission and he just looked so over. He had clearly given up. It would have been in their best interest to let him sit on the bench for the rest of the game. I need to see if anybody posted that video anywhere. It was hilarious.

I'm kind of blah today about things so I went to the Pens site to see what interviews they have up that I didn't see. Postgame interview with a superhero? Count me in. Oh and he's shirtless? Bonus.

This video is loaded with nekkid hockey players. Kris Lelover 0:16 - 0:19. *purr* Three seconds of bliss. Then again at 0:46 for another glimpse. Then MAF comes from behind the curtain wearing... nothing? Maybe a towel?

I KNEW Scuds was a superhero.

I swear to you all that I do love this sport and I would love it if they all looked like... somebody that isn't good-looking. I can't think of names because hockey players are always hot even if they're not good-looking. The good-looking guys just make it so much better and they really give me motivation to watch ANY and ALL coverage that is available to me. Which reminds me. My niece told me one time when I was slobbering all over how awesome Scuds is, and I will quote this because I remember it exactly, "I hate Scuderi! He's so ugly!" She's young so I had to let it slide but... Rob Scuderi is a superhero therefore hot.

Pens 2 - Canes 0

Geno! UNREAL!

That third goal was unfuckingreal. Who can do that? Very few people. We have two of them. gah. Unreal. He told Max Talbot what he was going to do and then he just went and did it. That's amazing. Geno! What a fucking hero.

Canes tried to send a message through the whole game. High-sticking, taking runs, tripping (not that we were faultless but most of it was retaliatory). Letang and Satan said oh we can hear you loud and clear but no.

OH MY GOD! I still don't know if his face came out of that unmarked but all I could think about while it was happening was HIS HAIR. He has the best hair on the planet. Or maybe I just think that because I have a bit of a fascination with him. But, oh man, his hair. This little scuffle started, btw, because some awful man hit Lelover IN HIS FACE!WITH A STICK! Then another (even more awful?) man punched him IN HIS FACE!

Has he not seen Kris Letang's face? Seriously. What is wrong with people? This, of course, being after sticks were flying in faces through the whole game.

And because of the hair... this is after game 1.

... and I guess also because Craig Adams shirtless is a little bit of heaven. I particularly enjoy how the cameraman pans out and back in. He knows what's up. From shirtless Craig to hatless Lelover (whose voice has become, for me, like the sweetest sounding music... it's like puppies and bunnies singing and dancing in a field under a rainbow).


Good lord.

What was I talking about? oh yeah. Hockey. See? his hair takes me right out of the game.

Miro Satan got into a fight. That is funny. He beat the crap out of that guy. That is awesome.


Final score of game 2? 7 - 4
awesome. You don't expect 11 goals in a playoff game. It's exciting. But also your team allowed 4 goals and that can't happen... unless your team scores 7, but that isn't always going to happen.

I LOVE pictures that just say "Hal Gill is really tall and would appreciate it if you would stay the fuck away from our forwards".

This is the other fight that almost broke out. What did break out is Kris' hair. This was the first time it made an appearance last night.


Kris Letang is not 6'7" but he doesn't take too kindly to people fucking with our forwards either.

He looks sooooooooo mean. That's HOTT.

I can't think of anything in the world I would rather do than watch hockey. I feel terrible that I've missed so much of it. I became a fan in the late 80's and watched for probably 10 years. I have gone over 10 years mostly ignoring this sport. I mean, I saw highlights but I didn't watch the games on a regular basis. And I feel I must be penitent. I must atone for my sins.

This brings tears to my eyes.

Some wonderful person obviously told him to let loose the sex. I love him so much for listening to that person. I love that person for telling him. I don't mind the hat, of course. But the hair. And the face. See? Do you see his face? Why would somebody want to hit his face?

ha ha ha ha ahhhh heh. So I kept bitching about Gonchar being on the ice too much when he should be resting... I mean, they have been playing seven dmen because Gonchar isn't 100% yet and he's been playing the most out of the dmen. Is that stupid or what? Anyway DH got fed up with me bitching about Daddy Gonchar (he is strict with the young guys) and said, "Your boyfriend isn't doing so hot either. He turned that puck over. That's how they ('Canes) scored that last goal." I said... well, nothing. I just whimpered a little bit. I thought it looked like it was somebody else's fault but I just chalked that up to me being a Letang apologist. It really looked like he was passing it to Malkin who was skating towards the puck, or Fedotenko who was about to cross paths with it. Instead it landed on a 'Canes stick and SLAP! Goal. They just said on ESPN radio that he was passing it to Malkin and Malkin stopped. But he had a hat trick and we won so whatever. I can let people blame Lelover as long as we (me, Geno, Ruslan and Kris) know the truth. hmmmm... No I can't. I have to call my husband to tell him it was his boyfriend's fault, not mine.

And because this is my first post since it happened, congratulations Kris Allen! How cool was that?

Don't worry. The song isn't as bad as it was the first two times we heard it.

Just gorgeous.

oh. I came home from work yesterday and there was a bunch of makeup on the kitchen table. I went back outside and asked DH why he bought makeup. He said, and I will quote this, "I bought it for you." Bwah! After I was done laughing, I said, "I figured it wasn't for you." Some lady at Sam's Club talked him into it. "How did she manage to do that?" I asked. "She asked if I wanted to buy makeup for my wife. I told her no and she went into her whole thing." heh. He shouldn't be allowed out alone. I tried some of the eyeshadow today. It's lovely. Victoria Jackson, I think it is.

Conference Finals

Western Conference:
There are many reasons I wanted to see the Ducks defeat the Red Wings. The main reason though is that I am going to miss watching Jonas Hiller.

Jonas lost his shit last night. Who can blame him? It was Game 7 of the Western Conference semifinals and the puck was under his pad. Cleary pushed his pad and the puck went over the line. ummm... goal? Fuck that. The puck was stopped.

"It was a tough goal, especially at the end," said Hiller, who finished with 36 saves. "It was more of a question if he's allowed just to put my pad in and not the puck. I don't think he ever saw the puck. He just thought it must be behind my pad, so he just pushed my pad. That's the only thing that I question."

I would have ultimately not been able to cheer for him anyway but it still upsets me. Way to go, Jonas. You've been brilliant. I'll be watching you next season.

His save percentage for the playoffs was a .943 so there isn't a whole lot left to say.

And also? Scott Niedermayer (who is my age, btw) skates like Tanger. Or Tanger skates like Niedermayer. Whatever. Somebody tipped me on that and I knew immediately that Niedermayer was #27. It's crazy.

There was only one reason I cared about the outcome of the Blackhawks/Canucks series.
Patrick Kane is an animal.

That blows my mind.
The Blackhawks won and now I have something to root for over in the West. Go Hawks!

Over here in the Eastern Conference all that matters is that Pittsburgh is in this and we're in this strong. Bonus? EStaal vs. JStaal.


Blackhawks (#4) vs. Red Wings (#2) puck drops on Sunday at 3:00 p.m. in Detroit.
Penguins (#4) vs. Hurricanes (#6) puck drops on Monday at 7:00 p.m. in Pittsburgh.
Four has suddenly become my favorite number.

what a series

Games 1-6 had me so nervous that I thought I was going to throw up about 25 minutes before the pucked dropped for game 7. My stomach was flip-flopping. My shoulders were aching with tension.

When Marc-Andre made that first save on Ovechkin, the flip-flopping started to feel less vomit-inducing.
The Penguins, all of them, had swagger. They were cool. They were confident. They knew they were winning this.

Then King Crosby scored.

Then Craig fuckingAdams scored.

I've been waiting for and wishing for that during this series AND the last series. Most deserved goal that wasn't scored by Sidney fuckingCrosby (who deserves everything).

Then Billy Guerin scored.

Then? Lelover BLASTED one from outerspace. He fired that baby so hard and so dead-on perfect, it got stuck in the twine right behind Varly's head. He was so far away and at an angle that it seemed unlikely that it went in. That was a hard shot. Not a lot of players can do that. And he's a defenceman. For a solid few seconds nobody except Kris knew he scored because nobody knew where the puck was.

This picture makes me smile so much my face hurts. Great job, Mr. Photographer, catching Tanger and Geno in mid leap. I need to find a picture of him celebrating his goal while everybody else on the ice is looking around for the puck. Fucking awesome.

The Capitals pulled Varlamov out of his net. That kid is incredible. He certainly gave this town a lot to worry about for six games. The 7th obviously didn't go so well for him. MyTanger left him so rattled, they felt they had no choice but to pull him. Way to go, Varly. He's going to be very frustrating for every team that has to try to score against him.

Then Jordan Staal hung around with Theodore (Varlamov's replacement) until Satan could get him the puck. JStaal on the score sheet.

Jordan's sexy rattled Jose Theodore so much he let him hang around the net with him before letting him score. It's not all Jose's fault. JStaal is a monster and, if memory serves, he was the only Capital on the ice at that point. Or if they were, none of them wanted in that play.

Then Fleury started skating around the ice because he gets bored standing in the crease. So Ovechkin went behind the net with him. Fleury gave him the puck and let him go ahead and make a sweet turn to put it inside. It was pretty to watch. It was tight. Literally tight and figuratively tight. Fleury didn't get his shutout but Ovie deserved that. He was all over the place trying to do everything the rest of his team forgot how to do. He deserved that.

I can't remember if the Capitals second goal came before or after King Crosby's second goal so I'm just going to talk about Sid's.

Guys, Sidney Crosby is a teacher. He's a schooler. Everybody that plays with him or against him learns something. I was so worried that if the Capitals took this, everybody would say that Ovechkin was better than Crosby.

That is just not true. It's just not.

I am forever thankful that they don't have this series to try to argue that point. Their defense had no idea what to do when he was on the ice. So they just didn't do anything. They just let him face Theodore by himself. It was like a free shot.

Of course he was going to score. I don't think anybody doubted that. He's the best player in the league. Period. There's no reasonable argument. Even Semin had to admit he was stupid for saying Sid's nothing great. What a maroon.

At some point in the game, Ovechkin came flying over to Malkin to crush him against the boards. So Geno moved. This was what happened next.

Backstrom ate ice. Awesome. Even his own team needs to learn to be aware of where he is on the ice. He's dangerous, y'all. You'd think this idiot would know that. Ovie owed us and he's awesome.

I love this team. Every single one of them. I have nobody to exclude. Brooks Orpik played with his jersey covered in blood. Sidney spoke with his game. Rob Scuderi is a superhero. Kris Letang is the smoothest, sexiest hockey player I have seen in forever. And I mean "sexiest" in both being sexy and playing sexy. Mark Eaton had four goals in this series. He's a defenceman. He's not even an offensive defenceman and he had four motherfucking goals in this series. Evgeni Malkin has mad skills. We didn't get to hear about his skills a whole lot during this series but we got to see them. They just didn't all show up on the score sheet. The next series is his. I could go on about every player on this team. I love them all. I have so much pride.

People I will miss wathcing in the playoffs:
Simeon Varlamov. What a goalie. Any team that can include him on their roster is a lucky team. It will be impossible to not cheer for him when he is not playing against the Penguins. Without him, the Capitals would have lost in four, maybe five games.

Alexander Ovechkin. What a goal scorer. What a player. What a character. He tried to carry his entire team on his back after Varlamov fizzled. That's a lot to ask from one guy no matter how great he is. He said he hopes we win the Cup. What a competitor. What a man. He's still not THE MAN.

Because that's a title that our Captain owns. How honored are we to have him? How priveleged is everybody who watched that series? Game 7 was a master class. Every team should watch that game to learn some things. I hope they don't, but they should.

A friend of mine who argues with me about Ovechkin sent me an article and I got about halfway through it before I couldn't read it anymore without commenting on it. I'm going to paste my comment here because I feel like I need to pound this home.

This?

"The point is that Crosby makes the whole team better. He is a competitive person, but he is willing to share the spotlight with everyone."

Is the difference maker. When Ovechkin becomes willing to play the rest of the game and his team learns to play at all, the Capitals will be a better team. He is only going to get better. He went to school last night and had a crash course. You just watch him next season. No matter what anti-Ovechkin stuff I read, no matter how many people try to tell me why he's not great, I will argue. Alexander Ovechkin is a great player. I hate defending him but I hate all the negative stuff I hear and read about him even more. The "he's not that great" argument is ludicrous and silly. He is that great. He's just not as great as our Captain and our Russian. I am going to miss watching him and I will continue to watch him as long as he plays the game. He's amazing. He's not as good as Crosby because nobody is. He's not as smoothly gritty as Malkin because nobody is. My pride keeps overflowing out my eye sockets every time I talk, or read, or write something about last night's game so I have to stop now. Anyway, I wouldn't want to build a team around Ovie but I would very much want him on my team. I hope we can be done trashing Ovechkin for at least a few months now. But if his play last night didn't shut people up, I guess that's a far away hope. He tried so hard to rally and he played everywhere. He tried to do everything himself because his team gave up. That's honorable. That's a hockey player. That's a man. But people want to turn a blind eye to all of that because... because... You know what? I have no idea why people just can't admit that he's pretty freaking great and leave it at that. This is a game. All of these guys want their team to win. The great ones rise up and he has done that for the Capitals.

You know what sucks? There was so much build up to this game. The two best teams in the Eastern Conference. Forced to try to eliminate each other from the playoffs. When it should be these two in the Eastern Conference finals. Ovechkin. Crosby. Malkin. Who's the best? All the hype. All the media storylines. Instead of going out there and fighting each other and taking stupid penalties, they played the game. It was... wow. It was such a pleasure to watch and a lot of people aren't going to see that. It'll be viewed as a blowout. People changed the channel when it was 4-0 and Varly was pulled. That gets to me too. They pulled that kid and he's the one that made this game possible for them. This was hockey at it's finest and I am so, so very prideful that my team was a part of it. My team has skills and I feel like I should pay them for letting me watch that game. This game made me so very sorry that I ever gave up watching this sport with interest. This game reminded me why I cared so much about the Pittsburgh Penguins before. This game was possibly the best game I have ever seen. And I hope people remember it even though it was a skills game and not a cock fight. Because if we're fighting with our cocks, the skills take a backseat. I love that my team knows when to play the game and when to pull out their cocks.

I keep exhaling today. It feels like it's okay to just sit and breathe for a few days.

American Idol got it right and the Penguins rule the world. Yesterday was a good day.

Don't Stop Believing

We can do this.


Do it.

Cookies for everybody!

Staal and Cooke (finally) score and you can't help but smile.

I wish they'd show Tyler Kennedy every time somebody scored.

4:20(ish)


4:03(ish)
some seriously sweet puck-handling by Lelover leading to the Fedotenko goal. This video doesn't show all of it.

Also? Scuderi should be worshipped at this point, I think.

Who doesn't love postgame interviews outside the changing room?

I'm sorry but

MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!

I forgot what it felt like to be a hockey fan. It’s so stressful and so exhilarating. I have all this stuff I just want to scream about.

EVGENI FUCKING MALKIN is a hockey GOD. The press has been slamming him for a week. What does he say? *SLAM* THAT'S HOW YOU SCORE A GOAL! SHUT UP, BITCHES.
HAL GILL MADE ME SHUT MY MOUTH RIGHT UP. I’m ALWAYS badmouthing him. DH says he needs to hit people harder. I said, “have you seen him under his uniform? They would die. He doesn’t want to actually kill people.” And then FEDEROV SPEARS HIMSELF WITH GILL’S STICK!
I NEED to carry KRIS LETANG in.my.pocket AT ALL TIMES. He is going to be the DEATH of me. *LeSigh*
OVECHKIN tried to CHARGE AT ORPIK and ended up KILLING HIMSELF!
PASCAL DUPIUS IMPREGNATES WOMEN with his fancy stick work! and the best part is that NOBODY EVEN KNOWS! Nobody talks about it. What? You didn't want to get pregnant? *shrug* Sorry. Then don't watch hockey. And don't tell anybody Duper is the daddy. We're keeping that a secret.
HAVE YOU SEEN MAX TALBOT’S BEARD? He STARTED GROWING IT WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE DID AND HE LOOKS LIKE A FREAKING MOUNTAIN MAN. THAT is a MAN RIGHT THERE. When he slid in front of the net and we ended up having Fleury, Gill, Scuderi (don't EVEN get me started on Scuds) AND Talbot sliding in for the save. Oh man. Max. *swoon* I punched DH in the arm and said, “that was… *long pause as I search for a word that is worthy of how incredible that was*… SEX! I just HAD SEX with Max Talbot!” I felt ACTUAL PENETRATION when he slid across the ice.
JORDAN STAAL IS A CRAZY BEAST. He was HAVING HIS WAY with the Capitals all by himself in the corner of THEIR ZONE for like a full minute AT LEAST. He can have his way with me whenever he wants for as long as he wants. For real.
And because I could watch LETANG'S! GAME-WINNING! GOAL! on loop for the rest of my life (which won't be very much longer if he has anything to do with it), this picture bears repeating over and over again (it's my wallpaper... tiled)...


My hands are still shaking. I love this team. I could go on and on. And I'm sure I will. I'm busy now. I just had to get some of it off my chest.

At about the 1:00 mark until about 1:06,

I turned into a pile of goo. How can anybody ever deny him goals? Knowing that is what happens to his face when he scores? I would just move out of the net for him. *puts Tanger in pocket*

wow

Not only did he play, HE SCORED THE GAME WINNING GOAL!!!

And I had sex with Max Talbot.





Also Kris Allen made final three.

Hopefully I'll have pictures tomorrow.